So what are our interests?
1. a NEED
Necessity for survival. Needs are universal like safety, food, shelter, sense of belonging, sense of participation, love, power and influence over our life.
2. a WANT
We all have different unique set of wants (desires). Desires come from within but are also strongly influenced by our culture and the society we belong to. If we let others influence our desires to much we can end up feeling lost and confused.
3. a GOAL
The goal is individual and is based on our WANT and NEED
So, a conflict of interest is;
”When achieving my goal is interfering with the achievement of a goal for someone else”
We have different ways – different strategies – of achieving our goal, even though needs are universal, we are striving for our needs and wants in different ways. Our strategies are based on our experiences growing up. Which strategies, behaviours where helping us back then to achieve our goal?
If I grew up in a home where love and affection where given to me by my parents unconditionally and I felt safe and secure, my chances of developing healthy ways of interacting with others while achieving my goal are greater. If conflicts and discussions where dealt with constructively and if I as a child felt included and respected in my home it will increase my chances even more. That upbringing will provide me with knowledge and tools to use when my goal is threatened and there is a conflict of interest going on.
If I felt unsafe growing up, if there where conflicts going on and I feel insecure in my home that will have a great impact on my strategies for achieving my goal in the future. If conflicts, discussions and arguments where dealt with in a destructive way that will most likely also be my way of dealing with similar situations in the future.
Conflict of interests are necessary for our development as humans. We need to figure out our strength and weaknesses to develop and become better. We do that by interacting with other people as we are trying to achieve our goal. We need people that can lead with example of how that is done and we need a constant dialog about how we interact with others.
We need to increase self-awareness, self-knowledge. We can achieve that by facilitated reflection and by using feedback in a proper way.
source: Joining Together by David and Frank Johnson
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